


you're never an imposition

by cyclothimic



Series: from ashes a fire shall be woken [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 8k words, Brace yourself, F/M, I know, return from the dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 12:17:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3290066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyclothimic/pseuds/cyclothimic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She will think back on how he will be here, being her white knight again, by this time back in the day. He would shoot her captors – injure them – and then tell her everything's okay. She would believe him because it's Oliver and he never broke his promises if he could help it.</p><p>And then she will be brought back to reality when one of them comes in and asks her again. She will tell them the truth again.</p><p>"Trust me, I want him alive as much as you do," she will say this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're never an imposition

**Author's Note:**

> just my spin on olicity's reunion. it's probably as bad as i think it is.

_when you love someone, you know, you join in their war._

* * *

 

It went like this:

He needed her help. He came to seek her. He said her name. She turned in her chair. They met for the first time. She did her usual idiotic ramble. He lied. She didn't believe him. She showed him she didn't believe him. He smiled.

It felt like this:

She was busy. She was annoyed because apparently she could do more with a computer than her manager could with a smart phone. She was chewing on a red pen because it was a pen her father left her and despite how much she hated him, she missed the hell out of him. And then she heard her name and she was on the verge of burst into a tirade about how she was not a cyborg and she couldn't do everything at the same time, but then she saw him.

Oliver Queen, in the flesh: with his dreamy blue eyes and his stubble that shouldn't look so good and his crew cut hair and the most fake smile she'd ever seen on a man.

But god, was he beautiful. And then he spoke to her and she reckoned she was too nervous because god knows how embarrassing her following ramble was. She cut herself off just in time. He pulled out a laptop from behind his back and then she figured he didn't know how used she was to liars and cheaters considering she was a Vegas girl and Las Vegas was nothing if not loaded with liars and cheaters.

And when she tilted her head at him and look upon him in a way that told him she most definitely did not buy his lies, he smiled a genuine smile, as if he was fighting back a laugh.

And she remembered that not all arts were created using a pencil and a canvas.

* * *

( _She will be_ _sitting in_ _her office, doing her paperwork_ _((_ _ **missing him**_ _))_ _. And then a gunshot will sound_ _aloud_ _right outside her office. A group of fully geared men – at least, she presumed they were men – holding automatic weapons will come in,_ _aimed at_ _her. They will sedate her before she will even_ _have a chance to cry_ _for help._

 _She will wake up in a dark room. No windows. Just a fan, spinning lazily above her. She will hear muffled voices in another room. She will be gagged. All she will_ _be able to achieve_ _is moan and whimper, wishing for someone to rescue her – hopefully Diggle and Roy and Laurel._

 _She will_ _not know how long_ _she has been here while she was unconscious. The door will_ _open to reveal_ _a stocky man with a mask over his face, wearing a hoodie. She will groan because she can guess who her kidnappers are._

_Probably another bunch of Arrow copycats._

_He will_ _un-gag_ _her and kneel in front of her. He will sneer at her. And then he will ask her about the whereabouts of the Arrow because Arrow has_ _been gone too_ _long._

_And she will fight back tears and tell him the truth._

_**The Arrow** _ _**is dead** _ _.)_

* * *

It went like this:

She called him to meet. He agreed. They met in a pub. He was alone. He waved at her through the raindrop spattered window. She then asked him if she could really trust him. He didn't take seriously the first time. When he saw the look on her face, he sobered up. And he said she could trust him. So she handed him the notebook.

It felt like this:

Mr. Steele's disappearance shook her. She could even say he was a  _friend_  and it shook her when she found out her friend had been kidnapped. She had a feeling that the notebook he'd give to her as safekeeping had something to do with his disappearance.

And then she found herself calling Oliver Queen, her heart beating against her chest harder and louder with each ring. She felt like she was going to blow up when he picked it up, sounding exhausted and angry. She quickly – very nervously – scheduled a meeting.

She parked her car in an empty parking space and stared at the steering wheel for the next ten minutes, thinking about absolutely nothing. Her brain had drawn a blank. She allowed herself to count backwards from ten before she pushed herself out of the car because she might just restart the engine and drive away if she stayed in the vehicle longer.

She practically galloped her way to the entrance to the pub, almost tripping over her own feet twice before she gathered herself and opened the door. There he was, smiling as if nothing was the matter, except that his stepfather was missing and his eyes were so  _despondent_.

"Can I trust you?"

And he had this look on his face that really annoyed her so she snapped. She wasn't an idiot. She went to MIT for god's sake and came out with a Master, thank you very much. Only then did he take her seriously.

"Yes, you can trust me."

And she did. She really did. She trusted him before and she trusted him now, for some godforsaken reason that she would rather not investigate into. So she showed her trust by giving him the notebook.

* * *

( _She will think that they must have a really good cook amongst their midst because the fried rice they serve_ _her_ _is really_ _good_ _. Of course, she will not_ _sound_ _out her opinion._

 _They will not believe her when she_ _tells them_ _the truth. She will not blame them because when she found out the truth, she did_ _not believe a word of it_ _either._ _Nevertheless,_ _the truth will hurt. Her mother always_ _tells her that_ _. And the truth_ _is, the Arrow is dead._ )

* * *

It went like this:

She was walking towards her car, ready to go home. She sat behind the wheel, ignited the engine and looked behind. And then there he was, the Arrow, lying in her backseat,  _bleeding all over her backseat_. Except he wasn't the Arrow, he was the Oliver. Oliver was the Arrow. He made her drive to his father's old factory. She did. She tried to carry him but all those muscles weren't for nothing. So she hacked into the basement and rushed down to see his bodyguard there. And then they carried him down together. She watched as Diggle did his best to save Oliver and helped when she could. And then they waited for Oliver to wake up.

It felt like this:

How long had it been since she got to call it a day and go home before nine?  _Too damn long_. Today was a rare day. She had plans to dig into the carton of mint chip she'd purchased two weeks and catch up on all the  _Game of Thrones_ episodes that she had missed. She was in a  _pleasant_ mood.

And then it went to literal shit when she found a bleeding vigilante lying across the back of her Mini Cooper, barely fitting. She very fleetingly deliberated on how he managed to fit himself in there before he pulled off his hood and showed his face. And she would recognize him anywhere, even with the grease and the sweat.

Her astonishment became concern when she spotted the blood he was losing and staining her backseat upholstery with. She suggested the hospital. He demanded an old, abandoned factory. She could feel herself clenching her hands so she wouldn't reach into the backseat and smack him upside the head.

But she conceded and drove towards the old, abandoned factory. She looked back every now and then to make sure he was still there and well, breathing. He was passed out as soon as she reached the second T-junction. It only motivated her to step on it because she really couldn't handle her employer's stepson and the city's vigilante dying in her car.

And perhaps this was the unimaginable her grandmother had always asked her to leave space in her heart for.

* * *

( _She will think back on how he will_ _be here_ _, being her white knight again, by this time back in the day. He would shoot her captors – injure them – and then tell her everything's okay. She would believe him because it's Oliver and he never broke his promises if he could_ _help it_ _._

 _And then she will_ _be brought back_ _to reality when one of them comes in and asks her again. She will_ _tell them_ _the truth again._

" _Trust me, I want him alive as much as you_ _do,_ _" she will say this time._ )

* * *

It went like this:

She offered herself to go undercover. He forbade her. She told him she could count cards. He couldn't count cards because he was a rich motherfucker. He would allow her to go undercover. He promised her he would be outside. She went in. She got caught. He barged in, hooded up and quiver at the ready. They would know that Walter Steele was dead.

It felt like this:

The only way to infiltrate the place would be to actually  _infiltrate_  the place. Oliver couldn't go in because well, he was Oliver Queen. She could because she was just a nobody who worked for Oliver Queen and they wouldn't know who she was.

She was somewhat touched when he prohibited her from going into the field. She was also somewhat offended because who the hell did he think he was to prohibit her from doing anything?

She insisted because really, she was a Vegas girl and she learned hell of a lot more than holding in her alcohol when she grew up there. He had no choice but to let her go in. She discreetly pumped her fist in the air.

She was genuinely touched when he promised her that he would be  _right outside_  if anything happened. And holy crap, did something happen. She was scared shitless but she knew that she wouldn't die because she trusted Oliver.

Something more probably would happen because she saw the attraction and lust in his eyes when he saw her in her dress. She just chose to ignore it. Something more might have happened.

But they had to hear that Mr. Steele was dead.

* * *

( _She will_ _not know how long_ _she's_ _been_ _here. She will_ _be unaware_ _of how many hours has it been since her kidnapping. She will_ _have no knowledge_ _of whether her team is looking for her now and are they succeeding._

 _She will find herself closing her eyes and praying for a miracle to happen; for Oliver to happen._ )

* * *

It went like this:

They saved Mr. Steele. He was hospitalized. She visited the florist. She went to the hospital. She interrupted a family thing. Oliver called her a friend.

It felt like this:

When they found out Mr. Steele was alive after all, words could not describe how relieved she was. They instantly went to work; Oliver on his bike, Diggle in his van and Felicity on the comms. They were like a slick-oiled team and for the first time, she knew that they've oiled it out and they were finally working  _collectively_.

As she listened to the thuds and groans and the whooshing noises of arrows, she closed her eyes and wished that whoever was dropping was  _not_  Oliver. Once Oliver informed them that he had found Mr. Steele, she released a breath she didn't know she was holding in a rush and whispered a word of gratitude at the ceiling.

She then grabbed her jacket and her coat and her purse and went to a florist. She bought a bouquet of lilies – she had no idea what the flower meant and she hoped to god that none of them would try to research the meaning – and journeyed to Starling General.

They were hugging when she arrived at Mr. Steele's room. Mrs. Queen – or Steele – inquired of identity. She didn't know if she should answer the woman or ignore the woman because she couldn't very well tell Moira that she was the girl her husband had asked to investigate her offshore and suspicious account.

Oliver gently grasped her elbow and smiled down at her before looking back to his family.

"This is Felicity. She's my  _friend_. "

* * *

( _She will see a broken walkie-talkie in a corner of the room, hidden underneath a pile of empty boxes and crumpled newspaper. Normally, people will see it as a_ _broken_ _chance because it is a broken walkie-talkie._ _But_ _she is anything but a normal person._

 _She will try to crawl her way towards the device,_ _trying to stay_ _inconspicuous. She will reach it after what will feel like hours of crawling and getting dirt all over her white dress. She will use her unbound legs to drag the device closer. She will reach out with her bound arms and grab it. She will uncover the panel at the back and examine the wiring._

 _She will smile for the first time in a long time, because she will realize that the device is fixable._ )

* * *

It went like this:

Deep research led to the unveiling of the Dark Archer, who proved to be Malcolm Merlyn. Deeper research led to the unveiling of Malcolm Merlyn's diabolical plans for the Glades. Oliver wanted to stop Merlyn. He asked her to leave. She refused. He relented. He made her stay in the Foundry. She directed Detective Lance to disable the machine. They discovered there were  _two_  machines. The Foundry shook. Debris collapsed all around her. Tommy died.

It felt like this:

Honestly, she wasn't at all surprised that Malcolm Merlyn was the mastermind of this insane design to dispose of the Glades. She smelled something fishy and creepy about him the second she saw him for the first time. She wasn't even surprised that Moira Queen was an accomplice.

When Oliver asked her to leave the Foundry, she scoffed at the idea. She was in too deep to back out now. And she cared too much about him to leave him by himself. She saw Diggle smile in pride when she refused and proclaimed her stance in the entire matter. That man was an angel.

"If you're not leaving, I'm not leaving."

She was okay to stay in the Foundry because she was most useful in the Foundry after all. She found herself having a headache as she guided Detective Lance in the process of disabling the earthquake machine because she had to talk to him while listening to her two best friends – one of them more than that – fight their way through the city.

Her fear level spiked when the alert beeped on her computer. There were  _two_. She did not expect this. She had no time to escape before it happened. The ground shook violently and she watched in horror as cabinets and glasses around her fall to the ground in a symphony.

She yelped when the fluorescent lamp collapsed right in front of her, taking along one of her monitors with it. She then quickly escaped into the panic room they had built just in case. She then heard Oliver talking to Tommy through her comms and she went quiet.

" _Open your eyes_."

Her heart broke for him.

* * *

( _The_ _first_ _crackle will rasp from the speaker and she will have to fight the urge from cheering. She will_ _tune_ _the dial to the channel she'd set up just for the team and listen carefully for someone –_ _ **something**_ _._

 _She will freeze when she hears a voice she_ _never thought_ _she would ever hear again._

" _Did you find her_ _?_ _"_ )

* * *

It went like this:

She jumped out of a plane with Diggle. They landed on Lian Yu. She stepped on an ancient Japanese landmine. Oliver swung out from a tree like fucking Tarzan. Her arm extended readily. He wrapped his around her torso and flung them away from the landmine. The landmine went off behind them.

It felt like this:

Of course Oliver would run away. He was excellent at archery, in stealth, at martial arts, but not in facing the reality. Nope. The first thing he did was charter himself a private jet and jet off to god-knows-where without telling them.

It took her weeks to figure out where he would disappear to. And the next morning, Diggle appeared at her apartment door and told her he'd gotten a pilot and a plane to fly them to Lian Yu. She nearly pushed Diggle out of the car and drove away from the airport when she saw exactly how ancient the plane  _and_  the pilot are.

She would have fainted right away when she saw the parachutes waiting for them in the interior of the plane if not for Diggle rubbing her shoulder comfortingly. The plane ride was  _tedious_  and she was pretty sure they were gonna die up in the air before they even reached Lian Yu.

But they didn't.

And then she was almost sure they were gonna die when they jumped off the plane. Her throat was sore from the screaming. And holy crap, she would never ever go skydiving again. She threw up and snapped at Diggle. She was pretty sure Diggle didn't realize her sarcasm.

As if jumping out of a plane wasn't enough, she stepped on a fucking landmine – damn psychotic Japanese. She wanted to shout in the air and demand whoever it was that was so against her to come out so she could shoot them right in the face.

Oliver – thank god – shouted from on top of a tree. She barely even blinked because that guy could do literally anything. He was shirtless too so she wouldn't blink for the life of her. When he swung down, she extended her arm without much hesitation because she trusted him and she knew he would get her out of this.

And wow, he was  _really_ sweaty.

* * *

( _She will scramble back as if she saw a ghost. She will_ _hit the_ _wall and then she will gasp. She will hear Diggle and Roy's voices disagreeing_ _to_ _the question. Tears will_ _well_ _up in her eyes. She will_ _whimper_ _and she will cry._

 _She will think she is hallucinating even through a walkie-talkie._ )

* * *

It went like this:

She went to the office. Her employee pass would  _not_ work. She asked the security about it. One of them came out with a sheepish smile and handed her a new one. She looked down and saw that she ceased to be a part of the IT department.  _Executive Assistant_.

It felt like this:

She was so ready to get all the paperwork done so she could get to the Foundry earlier and update their systems. Her rage went through the roof when she saw her new employee pass.

The words ' _Executive Assistant'_ screamed at her, mocking her. She smiled tightly at the security guard and she could already figure out what he was thinking by the small smirk on his face and the leer in his eyes. She went into the executive elevator and pressed the button for the top floor.

"I quit," was how she greeted Oliver first thing in the morning.

Her arguments were to no avail because Oliver was a stubborn asshole. She then proceeded to make her point clear and that she would  _not_  fetch him coffee because having the title to her name was insulting enough to her intelligence.

As she sat down at her desk – her inner voice grunted in disgust – she licked her lips and sighed. She quite liked the idea of being his Girl Wednesday.

* * *

( _She will compose herself. She will shake her head to shake off the illusions. She will take the walkie-talkie and talk into it, whispering for Diggle and Roy._

 _Laurel will answer her plea. She will_ _sigh_ _to herself. It was_ _ **really**_ _a hallucination. She will gulp and open her eyes and then she will tell Laurel to ping the walkie-talkie. She will tweak the wiring so it will be able to broadcast a weak signal._ )

* * *

It went like this:

She went to Oliver's room. She was about to knock on the door when it opened. Oliver stood there. She was about to tell him it was time when  _Isabel Rochev_  came out from behind her. Rochev said something that would imply that she was here to sleep with Oliver. Oliver tried to explain. She didn't give him a chance to.

It felt like this:

Time for them to stand guard and be ready to save Diggle. She realized she'd forgotten her glasses when she was in the elevator on the way down to Oliver's floor. She scolded herself for her carelessness. Her fist was halfway up when the door swung open and Oliver was there, looking surprised and slightly terrified.

She tilted her head a fraction and wondered where his tie went. Her question was answered when Isabel Rochev came out and sent her a scathing look. Her throat dried in a second and her mind blanked out for a second. There was a sore feeling in her chest. Something she hadn't felt since she heard about Cooper five years ago.

"Felicity," he whispered.

She forced a smile and shook her head with her eyes closed. She opened her mouth to release a quiet and shuddering breath before she opened them again.

"It's fine."

It wasn't. She was in love with Oliver Queen.

* * *

( _She will not know how long it takes for Laurel to do it, but she will be glad because Laurel will be whispering to her, reassuring her that they will find her. A moment later, a myriad of noises will come on and she will vaguely recognize Thea's as one of them._

 _She will laugh in disbelief. She will realize how much she has missed her team._ )

* * *

It went like this:

He strode out of his office. He handed her a file and asked her to send it down for him. She confronted him. He explained. Well, he  _tried_  to explain. She gathered the papers and the files and hugged them to her chest. She told him her thoughts before she left the office to do her job.

It felt like this:

She deliberately ignored him as his designer shoes clacked against the floor along with his long strides. But she couldn't ignore him when he approached her desk and handed her a file. She took it obediently and nodded meekly to his directions. She couldn't hold it in any longer and burst.

He turned back around and stared at her for a moment, dumbfounded. As she looked back up at him, she examined the blues of his eyes, the neat stubble and his strong physique. She fell in love with the man and she wondered if she was stupid for doing so.

"Because of the life that I lead," he started, "I just think that it's better to not be with someone that I could really care about."

She inhaled deeply and disregarded the ache in her chest. She stood up and she sidled past him. But then she turned around because her brain to mouth filter seemed to not be functioning today.

"I think…you deserve better than her."

* * *

( _"Found her_ _,_ _" she will hear Laurel say._

_She will not even get a chance to ask about her location before she hears his voice again._

" _I'm on my way_ _._ _"_

 _She will pass out._ )

* * *

It went like this:

Count Vertigo paid her a visit. He called Oliver. Oliver came, suited up and vicious. Count Vertigo put the syringe to her neck. Oliver shot him. Count Vertigo fell out of the building.

It felt like this:

She was absolutely terrified when she woke up and found herself tied to her chair. The Count was sitting at her desk, laughing quietly in a maniacal way. He was talking to Oliver on the phone. She couldn't help but cry when the Count showed her the double syringe.

It felt like an eternity when Oliver finally came in. She noticed the grip he had on his quiver was so tight she thought the material of his gloves would burst. The look in his blue eyes was positively murderous and she pleaded for him to not kill for her. She couldn't handle him breaking his vow to Tommy  _for her_.

But he did. He shot Count Vertigo in the chest thrice and she dropped to her knees, sobbing ever the harder. When Oliver knelt in front of her, she saw the vein throbbing in his forehead and the redness of his face and the ever present fear in his eyes. He was scared for her.

He broke his vow to Tommy for her.

Back in the Foundry, after a cup of chamomile tea and a comforting blanket around her shoulders, she apologized again. He grasped her hands gently and he was so near and she thought he was going to kiss her. He only smiled at her with that smile of his.

"He had you and he was gonna hurt you," he whispered. "There was no choice to make."

* * *

( _She will regain consciousness to_ _shouts_ _and yelps and crashes outside the door. She will curl into a ball because she will have no strength to muster up a voice to call out_ _for_ _them. She will rock back and forth. She will struggle between wanting her kidnappers' assailant to_ _ **be**_ _him and to_ _ **not**_ _be him._ )

* * *

It went like this:

Barry came and went. Barry came and went again. She danced with Barry. She made Diggle sedate Barry so he could save Oliver. Barry made Oliver a mask. She helped Oliver put on the mask. She smiled.

It felt like this:

Nerd speak. Barry spoke the language of nerds and she could hardly believe him. Barry was good looking and interesting and they had so many in common. And he seemed to be interested in her so this couldn't go wrong.

Except she still found herself sneaking glances at Oliver every now and then.

"Remember when I asked you if you liked Oliver?" Barry asked after he'd saved Oliver's life but gave him hallucinations in return.

"I told you, I don't." she retaliated a little too quickly.

He nodded. "I remember. But if you did," he smiled at her in understand, "I can see why."

When he left, he left them a gift: a mask for Oliver. She grinned when she saw it. It was perfect for him. She mentally thanked Barry and went to help Oliver put it on.

"How do I look?"

She observed him for a moment and was reminded of why she fell in love with him in the first place. "Like a hero."

_Like my hero._

* * *

( _The door will burst open. Spectrals of light will_ _into_ _her darkened vision. Even with her eyes closed, she can see the brightness._

" _Felicity_ _?_ _"_ _his_ _voice will call out._

 _She will whimper and bury her head deeper into her arms. "No_ _,_ _" she will whisper._ )

* * *

It went like this:

Barry was in a coma. She went to Central City to visit him and got to know Caitlin and Cisco. She came back when she saw the news on TV. Oliver blew up on her for something she had no wrong in. He apologized after they'd apprehended Mark Scheffer. He touched her shoulder. She closed her eyes.

It felt like this:

She got a call from a woman named Caitlin, informing her that Barry Allen was struck by lightning and was in a coma. She booked the first flight out and called Oliver, telling him that she wouldn't be in for a few days. She didn't give him a chance to argue before she hung up. As soon as she landed, she took a cab to the hospital and met Caitlin and Cisco there.

She told herself not to cry when she saw Barry lying on the hospital bed. She held his hands and she talked to him. She got to know Caitlin and Cisco more. She liked to think that Caitlin was warming up to her when she left after watching the news report on television.

Oliver was tense and acting out of character. And okay, maybe Felicity was at fault too because Oliver was partly right; she did have part of her mind focused on Central City. But definitely not enough to  _fail_. She wasn't going to allow him to yell at her as if she was just some wimp.

When Oliver apologized, she turned to see him staring down at his quiver and she just couldn't help herself.

"Were you apologizing to me or were you talking to your quiver?" In her defense, it was her natural mechanism to be sarcastic and silly.

And then he went and made this almost-romantic speech about how he relied on her and needed her here. She overlooked the stutter in her heart and stood in front of him. She didn't tell him how tired she was of people relying on her.

"Well, maybe he's dreaming about you."

 _I want_ _ **you**_ _to be the one dreaming about me_.

But of course, she didn't say that.

* * *

( _She will feel_ _ **his**_ _presence and will wonder if this is just a dream. She will feel_ _ **his**_ _gloves_ _gentle_ _on her forearm. She will hear_ _ **his**_ _voice whispering to her._

" _No."_

" _It's me, Felicity_ _,_ _" he will claim. She will shake her head vigorously and whimper louder. "Felicity_ _._ _" He will sound desperate and terrified. "Look at me, Felicity. I am here_ _._ _"_

_She will lift her head. And she will see him, un-hooded and unmasked._

" _Oliver_ _._ _"_ )

* * *

It went like this:

Moira Queen lied about Thea Queen's parentage. She unintentionally dug that out. She confronted Moira about it. Moira pleasantly threatened her about the loss of Oliver's friendship. She couldn't keep it in. She told him.

It felt like this:

"I see the way you look at him," Moira observed.

She gulped. Was she that obvious? And then Moira threatened that she would lose Oliver as a friend if she told him the truth. The woman was diabolical.

She couldn't bear the thought of lying to him and keeping something as big as this from him. And she was not a good liar when she was with him.

"Felicity."

She was slightly short of breath when she heard the way he pronounced her name. She braced herself for the storm to come.

"Just the thought of losing someone that important to me again…"

"Hey," he interrupted softly, his eyes filled with worry, "you're not gonna lose me," he promised.

So she told him.

* * *

( _He will smile at her._

 _She will remember once again that not_ _ **all**_ _arts_ _are created by a pencil and a canvas._ )

* * *

It went like this:

She watched Oliver and Sara collide into each other in the security footage. She shut it off. She began to feel useless. Everything went to shit when the Clock King managed to push her system to commit suicide. She got shot. She would always be Oliver's girl.

It felt like this:

What was that he said about it being better to not be with someone that he could really care about? Bullshit. Utter bullshit.

Well, maybe he didn't really care about her that way after all. Maybe she was just imagining all those looks and moments because she was too lonely and wanted him to love her too much.

wiggle, that wise and good man, was the only one who noticed her silent anger and loneliness. Her low self-esteem went lower when everything she'd worked for, the only thing she was  _good_  at, failed. And then it wasn't about Oliver and Sara anymore. It was entirely about  _her_.

She decided she needed a moment of heroism and went to the bank herself. She ended up jumping in front of her bullet for Sara. Thankfully, Tockman was not as good a shooter as he was in computer engineering.

Diggle fed her this aspirin that made her feel spinny and shit, the Foundry seemed a lot brighter. And she saw bananas dancing in one corner of the room.

"Kevin?" she whispered. The banana waved at her.

And then Oliver stood in front of her and gave her a tender smile and held her cheek in his strong and calloused hand. She hummed silently and leaned into the touch.

"You will always be my girl, Felicity."

* * *

( _He will slide one arm under her legs and the other around her torso. He will carry her effortlessly out of the room. She will cling to him like_ _lifeline_ _. She will bury her head into his neck and breathe in the scent of his leather._ )

* * *

It went like this:

Oliver was about to give up. Oliver said he failed this city. She disagreed. She reminded him of his purpose. She hugged him. He hugged her back.

It felt like this:

She was so annoyed and so despaired at and for Oliver when he told her he failed the city. How dare he. He was the vigilante. He was the Arrow. He was the cause for the dramatic drop of crime rate.

He did  _not_  fail this city.

"But I do know two things," she told him. "You are not alone." He would never be alone as long as she was here. "And I believe you." She would believe him with her life.

And she wrapped her arms around him. He wrapped his around her.

* * *

( _She will be bombarded with people wrapping towels around her and handing her glasses of water and returning her glasses and asking if she's okay. All this time, she will stare at him as he stands at the back of the midst, just staring at her nervously._

 _They will leave them alone after that. He will voluntarily tell her what happened to him softly and gently. He will not touch her. She will_ _ **stare**_ _at him._ )

* * *

It felt like this:

He dragged her into his old and abandoned and eerie mansion. He told her Slade took the wrong woman. Their face were inches apart. He put a syringe in her hand discreetly and left. She gasped.

It went like this:

She was starting to feel uncomfortable under his scrutiny while everyone around him was preparing for what was to come. All of a sudden, he dragged her by the arm and pulled her up the stairs and into her car. Only she got to sit in the passenger seat and he was driving.

She was vaguely amused at the sight of his giant posture driving her Mini Cooper. But mostly, she was just confused and curious. She gulped when she saw the mansion looming upon them. He needed her to be safe, he claimed. She did not see how her being in an abandoned and unprotected mansion could keep her safe.

"I don't want to be safe. I want to be with you." Her eyes widened a fraction. "And the others:  _unsafe_ ," she quickly added.

"Slade took Laurel because he wants to kill the woman I love." She nodded. "So he took the wrong woman."

She halted, her gaze fixed on Oliver's almost regretful eyes. Was this really happening? Did she really not imagine everything that had happened between them for the last two years? What?

"I love you," he whispered.

She felt him pressed a syringe into her hand and her heart dropped into a stomach. Her head hurt. She was just a bait.

* * *

( _"The last thought before I…_ _died_ _, was you. You're the woman I love_ _._ _"_

_Normally, she will leap up in joy and hug him and kiss him. But she will not. She will stand up and clench her jaw._

" _I don't want to be a woman you_ _love,"_ _she will say coldly, smacking him in the face. And she will climb up the stairs._ )

* * *

It went like this:

Oliver ran up to her and asked her about her day at work. She complained about it. He asked her out on a date. She said yes. It went explosive, literally. He kissed her in a hospital hallway. She kissed him back. She walked away.

It felt like this:

She often asked herself how did a person with an intellect like hers managed to land herself in a job with  _shifts_. It was simply outrageous and unacceptable! When Oliver chased up to her, she felt better because his presence was always more than comforting. And then he asked her out to dinner. She gave him a little hard time because she was Felicity Smoak.

She knew he was out on patrol when he was late but it was worth the wait when he walked in, looking dashing in his grey well-fitted suit. They embraced each other and sat opposite each other. This was probably the first time she saw him so nervous. She was nervous too, which was how she rambled again.

"Maybe I was wrong." And she beamed.

It didn't last long because he looked out and she knew something was going to happen. And it was all chaotic and they didn't have a chance to talk and she knew she never wanted to talk once she sensed the weird energy coming from him.

But he wanted to talk. Nobody could stop Oliver Queen from doing anything, including dictating her love life.

"Stop dangling maybes," she'd choked. "Say it's never gonna work out between us. Say you never loved me. Say –"

He put his hands on her face and leaned down to capture her lips with his. She gasped into his mouth. She closed her eyes and allowed a drop of tear to roll down her face. She wished that this wouldn't have a finish line. She wished they could stay like this forever.

Eventually, he drew away from her, but he stopped there. She kept her eyes closed. She couldn't bear to part with him either.

"Don't ask me to say that I don't love you," he whispered, his voice torn with misery and repentance.

She clenched her jaw and stepped back from her slowly. And she walked away.

He had burned her out. She was the bright ash without desire.

* * *

( _Laurel will be behind the bar. Laurel will be shocked when she sees her emerge from the backdoor. She will sit in front of the bar and Laurel will eventually offer her a sagacious smile. Laurel will mix her a drink._

" _It's virgin_ _,_ _" Laurel will say._

 _She will drink it and ignore the taste of it. "Hence, its namesake_ _,_ _" she will reply._

 _Laurel will_ _laugh_ _. "Sara used to brew that for me_ _._ _"_ )

* * *

It went like this:

Donna Smoak came to town. She freaked out. Some cyber-terrorist group named Brother Eye cyber-attacked the city. She had to bring her mother to Verdant. Oliver and Diggle met her. She ran a search and found out that  _she_  wrote the virus Brother Eye was going to utilize to shut down the city. She had a dispute with her mother. They were taken before they could make peace. Cooper Seldon was alive, apparently. Oliver came to the rescue. Only this time she was the one to knock out Cooper. They went back to the Foundry. Oliver had to remind her he loved her again. She walked away again.

It felt like this:

She loved her mother. She truly did. That woman had her in her belly for 10 months and managed to raise her in her own twisted ways despite everything. But she knew the most proper way to love her mother would be to love her afar because she had to face Donna Smoak every day, she might just go crazy.

But then Donna Smoak had to ring her doorbell and shriek at her in the morning the moment she opened the door. Before she could even comprehend, Brother Eye happened and she practically dragged Donna out of her house and brought her to an empty Verdant.

She could practically hear an evil goblin behind her taunting her about letting Oliver meet his future mother-in-law so early. She knew damn well she and Oliver would never get a happy ending unless he pulled his head out of his ass and stopped pushing her away.

She could hardly believe it when her search led up to a virus she wrote five years ago; when she was a childish hacktivist bent on 'correcting all the wrongs' in the world. And then she was bombarded with all these memories about Cooper and she could barely keep it in. So she ran out the backdoor and headed to Queen Consolidated, leaving her mother behind.

She couldn't exactly be blamed for blowing up on her mother because she knew she was partly right and really, it was not a good time.

Just when they were about to hug it out, her door burst open and they were taken away. When the bags were removed from their heads, her ex-boyfriend was standing in front of her, pink and breathing and completely emotionless. She gaped. When he pointed a gun at her, she knew the boy she'd truly loved five years ago was gone.

Everything that happened in the following twenty-five minutes was too quick and too fast. The next thing she knew, she was embracing her mother and looking over at Oliver over her mother's shoulder.

After making sure her mother was fine and sound asleep, she headed to the Foundry to finish her work and get some time alone to herself. It was still kind of hard to believe that Cooper was still alive. She was still trying to figure out how he faked his death and managed to dupe even her.

When she was about to beat it, Oliver stopped her and broke her heart again.

"Felicity, I want you to know that whatever experiences you had to go through, I'm glad that you did. They shaped the person you are today. And you know how I feel about her."

She was tired. And he had no right. Because it didn't matter how much he loved her or how many times he told her he did, she still couldn't have him. So what was the point of saying it back if she  _couldn't_  have him?

She shifted her gaze from him and sighed heavily. "I should head out." If he could hear the fatigue and the surrender in here voice, he didn't make it known.

He nodded. And she walked away.

Once again, she wished he would stop her from walking away.

* * *

( _She will wonder if Laurel_ _ponders_ _the fact that Oliver is alive but Sara is still dead. She will voice out that_ _wonder_ _. Laurel will only smile and shake her head. Laurel will mix herself a drink and down it in one gulp. Laurel will claim that she knows why she is here instead of down there._

 _It has been two years of_ _him_ _leading her on and her following him like an obedient puppy. She had him for not even thirty minutes of_ _un-served_ _dinner and she lost him. He'd put her through a lot emotional turmoil despite them not being together. And then he had to go and be a noble brother, facing the world's most dangerous man alone. Before he left, he just_ _**had** _ _to tell her he loved_ _her, in_ _those exact words, reminding her of their unbecoming ending._

" _You're burned out_ _,_ _" Laurel will say with a sympathetic quirk of her lips. "You're not even…_ _glowing_ _ash anymore. You're just_ _ash_ _, waiting to be blown away_ _._ _" Laurel's hands will move again to mix another_ _drink, this_ _time pouring it into two glasses. "But he's ready now, Felicity. I'm not telling you what to do but I really think you should give him a chance_ _._ _"_

_Laurel will set one of the glasses in front of her and hold hers in the air. She will pick up the glass and clink it against Laurel's. They will drink it all._

" _I lost Tommy_ _,_ _" Laurel will say, her eyes slowly filled with remorse and contrition. "I didn't get a chance to have a proper life with him. He didn't get to know that I loved him_ _._ _" Laurel will hold Felicity's hand. "Don't wait until it's too late_ _._ _"_ )

* * *

It went like this:

Ray Palmer asked her out to a work dinner. He gifted her a dress. She requested a night off with Oliver. Oliver agreed. Diggle came to her office. She practically kicked him out with her soft-spoken words and her indignant expression. She went to the work dinner. Arrow duties called. She attended to Arrow duties. She listened as Oliver told Cupid about how he had to be alone. It was lucky she didn't break the computers right there. Ray kissed her. Ray walked away.

It felt like this:

Seeing Ray working out on his salmon ladder did things to her. She realized she really did have a type. She couldn't help the comparison she held mentally of him against Oliver.

He was pale. Oliver was tanned. He was charming. Oliver was brooding. And yet, Oliver was… _Oliver_.

She knew it wasn't  _just_  a work dinner when Ray took out an elegant and absolutely gorgeous couture dress. But she agreed anyway. She figured why not. She was single. She was available. Ray was a good-looking guy. She liked him. And damn, how could she ever decline a chance to put on this gem of a dress.

"Do what you want," Oliver said softly, relatively nastily. She wanted to slap him and ask him to man up and tell her to  _not_ go.

Diggle came to her office. This thing with her and Ray was messing with Oliver's head apparently. What was she supposed to do? Was she supposed to keep pining after the man who had  _explicitly_ told her that he  _wouldn't_ be with her? Was she supposed to keep her social life strictly surrounding everyone in Oliver's life and Oliver's life only? Was she responsible for whatever that could happen to Oliver if she did not hang around him 24/7?

"Oliver…made his choice." Her voice cracked at the last word and she praised herself for keeping the smile on her face.

She watched as Diggle walked away and went back to her work. In other words, her work was her distraction. She put on the dress when it was time and she met Ray at the restaurant. Her phone buzzed with an emergency text from Diggle. And she knew she couldn't stay here anymore. So she apologized and excused herself and only when she was driving did she realize that she literally dropped everything for Oliver.

When would be the time when she stopped doing that?

She didn't know if she regretted leaving Ray behind and coming here after she heard Oliver's supposed-to-be noble speech. She just knew she couldn't stay anymore. So when the Cupid was detained, she left for Palmer Technologies. At least being there, she would be alone and it would be  _her_ space.

She was right about the dinner being not that platonic. Ray kissed her. He was a good kisser. And she liked him.

She wished people would stop walking away from her like disease.

* * *

( _"I don't think people love_ _me,"_ _she will begin. Laurel will frown. "They love versions of me I have spun for them_ _._ _" Helpful IT girl, executive assistant, occasional buffer, bomber, moral support… "Versions of me they have construed in their minds_ _._ _" She will smile tightly and exhale through her nostrils. "_ _The easy_ _versions of me, the easy parts of me to love_ _._ _"_

" _Felicity_ _,_ _" Laurel will say with a disbelieving huff, "trust me when I say this. I may not know you as well as the others do. But you are anything but_ _ **easy**_ _._ _" She will make a face at the last word. "Oliver loves all of you_ _._ _"_

" _You don't know that_ _._ _"_

" _Yes, I do. I can see it when he came back and we found out you were gone_ _._ ")

* * *

It went like this:

Caitlin responded with the blood sample. It turned out to be Oliver's. And then it turned out to be Thea's. Malcolm Merlyn visited the club and showed Oliver a footage of Thea shooting at Sara. He told Oliver that she was drugged. He wanted Oliver to kill Ra's Al Ghul for him. Oliver went to protect his sister. He told her he loved her.

It felt like this:

She'd been making herself mishearing him the second she knew his plans. She made herself acting as if she didn't hear him and he wasn't on his way to killing himself. But then she came into the room to see a duffle bag on the table and he was hugging Roy.

And she couldn't deny it anymore. She toughened herself up and asked him to kill Ra's Al Ghul. She knew that if Ra's Al Ghul didn't die, it wouldn't stop just here.

"Felicity, I honestly don't know if I'm a killer anymore. But I do know two things: one is that I'm someone who will do whatever –  _whatever_  – it takes to save my sister."

He took a small step towards her and pressed his lips against her forehead. She closed her eyes and constrained herself from grabbing herself onto him and cuffing to him and preventing him from going. But god, how she wanted this moment to say  _this_  moment forever.

She didn't know what made her turn and ask him about the second thing. Curiosity? Compulsion? Pure idiocy? But she did. And he answered her obligatorily.

" _I love you_."

Damn it, Oliver.

* * *

( _"He was weak and pale when he came back. We just found out you'd_ _been_ _taken so we weren't sure how to break it to him when the first person he looked for was you. We didn't have to. He heard it on the news broadcast from one of your computers. And he was like transformed. He grabbed his gear and demanded that we look for you and then he went out. We spent around four days looking for you until we heard you on our comms. And he was more anxious to look for you. Sometimes, we'd see him looking down at a picture of you he'd_ _sneaked_ _on his phone and he would tell us things about you. He loves you, Felicity_ _._ _"_

_She will be stunned to hear it that she will have no words. Laurel will nod in confirmation._

" _He told us about the banters you will have. He told us about how he loved it when he saw you peeking at him working out. He told us about how you stood up to him when no one else would. He told us about what a survivor you are. He told us about how he loved you watching you chew on a red pen_ _._ _"_

 _She will bolt from the stool she'd_ _been_ _sitting on, not even allowing Laurel to keep on. She will slam open the door to the Foundry and skip down the stairs, ignoring the limp in her legs. She will see him sitting on the couch she'd bought during the makeover after the Undertaking. He will be staring down at his phone, just like Laurel had said._

" _You bastard_ _,_ _" she will growl._ )

* * *

 

It went like this:

Three days passed. She did not stop believing that Oliver would come back. She ignored the distressing looks Diggle and Roy sent her way. She told Merlyn that Oliver was alive and she firmly believed it. Merlyn came for the second time. He had a souvenir with him, a souvenir that would prove that Oliver was gone. She went to work. She burst out on Ray who did not deserve it. She quit the team. She went to see Ray. She more or less told him about Oliver. She started to believe.

It felt like this:

Every hour since Oliver had left, she spent busying herself with work at Palmer Technologies and work in the Foundry. She helped Diggle and Roy catch the bad guys. It was automotive and not at all hard. She got a few hours of sleep in between but she couldn't really sleep knowing that Oliver was out there.

"He's alive," she said, her voice shaking. She wouldn't let a vermin like Merlyn break her belief. She would  _not_.

When he came for the second time, he took out a bloodied sword from behind him. That was when she lost hope. It angered her. She mouthed off on Merlyn and nearly stab him with the sword herself. But she didn't.

The blood analysis came back positive and she found herself couldn't bear to stay in this place anymore. She told them she had to go to work and ignored Diggle's calls. She could scarcely concentrate. Ray then came in, rambling on about his damn chip and shit, she just couldn't take it anymore.

"When we lose someone, when someone dies, they're gone. Forever. And there is nothing…" She lifted her palms and slammed them on her desk, " _nothing_  we can do that can bring them back."

She didn't realize she was crying until Ray observed that she was upset and reprimanded her for bringing up Anna. She apologized meekly and left. And then Diggle called and her next destination was the Foundry.

They yelled at her for letting Brick go. She yelled back. She had had it up here. She didn't want to lose one more person. And they could yell and scream and punish her for doing what she did but she knew she was going to do it again if given the chance. Then she quit because there really was no  _this_  without him.

* * *

( _He will look up from his phone_ _and at_ _her, astounded. He will blink and then slowly stand up, his arms hanging by his side. He will frown._

" _I don't know what you_ _want,"_ _she will cry out, throwing her arms in the air. His eyes will widen. "At one point you're asking me out on a date and then on the other you're telling me you can't be with me. But then you tell me you love me time and time again! You're like a puzzle where_ _ **all**_ _the pieces don't fit! I can't figure you out. I thought I knew_ _you_ _but then I don't because you're driving me through the freaking roof_ _!_ _"_

 _He will advance upon her in his sure and long strides. He will hold her arms with his hands and she will sigh involuntarily to the touch. "Felicity_ _,_ _" he will sibilate._

 _She will look up at him and sniffle. She will punch him in his chest but he will not flinch or move. "Two years, Oliver. I've been waiting for_ _**two years** _ _. I'm tired, Oliver. You died_ _on_ _me and then you came back and I don't know what to do. I'm tired of this game. I'm tired of being scared for you. I'm tired of waiting for you to make sense_ _._ _" Her voice grew weaker with each phrase._

" _I know, Felicity. I know_ _._ _" He will tug her towards him and enclose his arms around her, holding her tightly against him. "I'm sorry_ _._ _"_

" _Either you choose me or you let me go, Oliver_ _,_ _" she will whisper against his shirt._

_There will be fifteen seconds of silence between them. He will release her but not let her go. He will smile down at her with that smile that she realizes is a smile he only preserves for her._

" _I choose you_ _,_ _" he will proclaim._

_She will look up at him, her eyes wide and red. And then her lips will stretch into a beam._

" _I haven't been able to say this to you every time you said to me but…I love_ _you,"_ _she will reply._

 _He will grin and nod. "I love you too_ _._ _"_

_And he will lean down and capture her lips with his. This time, it will not end in him looking down at her with remorse or her walking away. It will end with them walking home together._

_They will have bad guys to take down; a wedding to attend to; a boy to teach; a man to thank; a woman to take care of._

_They will have a future to build._ )

**Author's Note:**

> this one is a monster to write. literal monster. my brain is dead.


End file.
